دانلود کتاب Codependency for Dummies

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Title Page......Page 3
Copyright Page......Page 4
Table of Contents......Page 7
Introduction......Page 15
About This Book......Page 16
Icons Used in This Book......Page 17
Where to Go from Here......Page 18
Part I: Getting Started on Overcoming Codependency......Page 19
An overview......Page 21
Why relationships hurt......Page 22
The work of neo-Freudian Karen Horney......Page 24
The infl uence of family systems therapy......Page 26
A codependent society......Page 27
The codependency debate......Page 28
The Spectrum of Codependency......Page 29
The Stages of Codependency and Recovery......Page 31
Early stage of codependency and recovery......Page 32
Middle stage of codependency and recovery......Page 33
Late stage of codependency and recovery......Page 35
Going over the four basic steps......Page 37
Defining Codependency......Page 43
The Core of Codependency — A Lost Self......Page 45
Is it an addiction? A disease?......Page 46
Cross-addictions......Page 47
Women and codependency......Page 48
Codependency isn’t caregiving......Page 49
Codependency isn’t kindness......Page 50
Codependency isn’t interdependency......Page 51
Hidden Shame......Page 53
Low self-esteem......Page 55
Guilt — “I’m always sorry”......Page 57
The elusive pursuit of perfection......Page 59
What Are My Rights and Limits?......Page 60
My boundaries......Page 61
We’re one — “What’s mine is yours”......Page 63
Keep away — “What’s mine is mine”......Page 64
Depending on Someone Too Much......Page 65
Fears of rejection......Page 66
“Can’t get you out of my mind”......Page 67
You’re my mojo......Page 68
Lack of Assertiveness......Page 69
Saying what you think and feel......Page 70
Being a human reactor......Page 71
Verbal abuse......Page 72
Control and Caretaking......Page 74
A haywire system......Page 75
Control through manipulation......Page 76
Control through kindness......Page 77
The seesaw of codependency......Page 78
Enabling......Page 79
Painful Emotions......Page 80
Fear and shame anxiety......Page 81
Anger and resentment......Page 82
Despair and depression......Page 83
Physical Symptoms......Page 84
The Purpose of Denial......Page 85
Types of Denial......Page 86
Type 1: Denying someone’s behavior......Page 87
Type 2: Denying my codependency......Page 90
Type 3: “Don’t ask me how I feel”......Page 91
Type 4: “My needs don’t matter”......Page 93
Recovery Builds Self-Awareness......Page 94
Codependency Assessments......Page 95
Do You Exhibit Codependent Patterns?......Page 99
Have You Been Affected by Addiction?......Page 101
Part II: Breakthrough to Recovery — Healing Yourself......Page 103
Recovery requires change......Page 105
Recovery isn’t a straight path......Page 107
Support is critical......Page 108
Attend Twelve Step meetings......Page 109
Seek psychotherapy......Page 110
Must You Believe in God?......Page 111
Telling Others about Your Recovery......Page 112
Were You Loved for Who You Are? — A Psychodynamic View......Page 113
The effect of inadequate mirroring......Page 114
What Makes a Family Healthy or Not — A Family Systems View......Page 116
Healthy families......Page 117
Dysfunctional families......Page 120
Abuse......Page 128
Drug addiction......Page 131
The Wounded Child......Page 135
Your child’s characteristics......Page 136
Your child’s needs......Page 137
Befriending your child Self......Page 138
Healing shame......Page 141
Grieving Losses — Feel to Heal......Page 143
The childhood you missed......Page 144
Faces of grief......Page 145
Confrontations......Page 147
Kinds of trauma......Page 149
Symptoms of trauma......Page 150
Getting help......Page 151
Building an Internal Guidance System......Page 153
Building self-awareness......Page 154
Listening to your body......Page 157
Knowing what you feel......Page 158
Identifying your wants......Page 162
Trusting yourself......Page 165
Identifying your values......Page 166
Being Your Authentic Self......Page 167
The Tyrannical Trio — the Critic, Pusher, and Perfectionist......Page 169
Re-educating the Critic......Page 170
Relaxing the Pusher — your slave driver......Page 171
Feeling Good about You......Page 173
No more blame and excuses......Page 174
Taking action......Page 175
Becoming authentic......Page 176
Positive self-talk......Page 177
Keeping commitments to yourself......Page 179
Self-forgiveness......Page 180
Self-love......Page 181
The Mind-Body Connection......Page 185
Nurture your body......Page 187
Move your body......Page 188
Delight your senses......Page 189
Recreation and vacations......Page 191
Hobbies and creative expression......Page 193
Meditation speeds recovery......Page 194
Types of meditation......Page 195
Meet Your Social Needs......Page 199
Part III: Healing Your Relationships with Others......Page 201
Over-Involvement versus Nonattachment......Page 203
What is nonattachment?......Page 204
Stepping back and letting go......Page 205
Self-Responsibility......Page 206
Helping Too Much......Page 208
What if you were asked to help?......Page 209
What are your expectations?......Page 211
Getting Triggered and Reacting......Page 214
Acceptance isn’t approval......Page 217
Acceptance of someone’s addiction......Page 218
Re-mind mantras......Page 219
Meditation and mindfulness......Page 220
Contrary action......Page 221
Q.T.I.P.: Quit taking it personally......Page 222
From you......Page 223
From others......Page 224
Communicating Effectively......Page 225
Becoming assertive — the six Cs......Page 226
Expressing feelings......Page 229
Taking a stand......Page 230
Codependent pitfalls......Page 231
Setting Boundaries......Page 233
The importance of having limits......Page 234
Limits and consequences......Page 235
Taking action......Page 237
Confronting abuse......Page 238
Recognizing domestic violence......Page 240
Handling Conflict......Page 241
Rules of engagement......Page 242
Changing Your Dance......Page 243
Coping with an addict or alcoholic......Page 244
After sobriety......Page 245
Family visits......Page 246
Facts to remember......Page 247
Becoming Counter-Dependent......Page 248
Types of relationships......Page 249
Falling in love......Page 251
Sexual self-esteem......Page 253
Acceptance......Page 254
Beginning a sexual relationship......Page 255
Addiction......Page 256
Recipe for Healthy Relationships......Page 257
A healthy Self......Page 258
Essential ingredients......Page 259
Relationships that last......Page 261
Navigating Autonomy and Intimacy......Page 265
Pursuing and distancing— level four......Page 266
Splitting and knitting — level three......Page 267
Harmonizing — level one......Page 268
Pseudo-intimacy......Page 269
Being authentic and vulnerable......Page 270
Coping with Loneliness......Page 271
Part IV: Moving On and Maintaining Recovery......Page 275
Internal locus of control......Page 277
Affirm yourself......Page 278
Overcome indecisiveness......Page 280
Dreams, passions, and work......Page 282
Set Goals......Page 285
Develop your vision......Page 286
Gather information......Page 288
Baby steps......Page 289
Twelve Step meetings......Page 291
Other support groups......Page 293
Psychotherapy......Page 294
Couples counseling......Page 296
Recommended Reading......Page 297
Emergency Numbers......Page 298
Step One – Accepting Powerlessness......Page 299
Facing powerlessness......Page 300
Step Two — Finding Hope......Page 301
Step Three — Letting Go......Page 302
Step Four — Examining Ourselves......Page 304
Step Five — Sharing Our Shame......Page 307
Step Six — Accepting Ourselves......Page 308
Step Seven — Humbling Ourselves......Page 309
Step Eight — Identifying Who You’ve Harmed......Page 310
Step Nine — Making Amends......Page 311
Step Ten — Cleaning the Slate Daily......Page 312
Step Eleven — Staying Close to Your Higher Power......Page 313
Step Twelve — Practicing These Principles......Page 315
Recovery Is a Life Journey......Page 317
Why progress is cyclical......Page 318
Signs of codependency creep......Page 319
Getting Triggered......Page 320
Crossovers and Sequels......Page 321
New relationships......Page 322
Your codependency in groups......Page 323
You’re human!......Page 326
Take responsibility......Page 327
Are you neglecting self-care?......Page 328
Part V: The Part of Tens......Page 329
Have a Spiritual Practice......Page 331
Meet Your Needs......Page 332
Protect Yourself......Page 333
Gentle Yourself......Page 334
Pursue Your Passions......Page 335
Do Focus on Yourself......Page 337
Do Let Go......Page 338
Do Honor Your Feelings......Page 339
Don’t Hurry......Page 340
Don’t Try to be Perfect......Page 341
Don’t Isolate......Page 342
Index......Page 343
EULA......Page 363